When I married, I had already begun my journey back to Christ, or really finding Him for the first time, with sincerity and a desire to know Him. But it was a simple question that my to-be husband asked, 'Want to go to church with me?' and the choice I had to make. For me, it wasn't hard at all; without hesitation it was a joy-filled, Yes! I wasn't even close to thinking that I should be seeking after Jesus; quite far from that infact! But my heart knew a different story and out of my heart came the resounding, 'yes, Lord!' And so the journey began...
And I began to be refined in the fire. As a baby 'seeker', I did the best I could with what I had known to that point and what I was able to glean off of those God brought into my life. I didn't know that I had what I needed inside of me already, let alone how to 'tap into' that.
1 John 2:20 But you are not like that, for the Holy One has given you his Spirit,[e] and all of you know the truth. 21 So I am writing to you not because you don’t know the truth but because you know the difference between truth and lies.
So I gleaned and I grew and I struggled. And along came our daughter. And we struggled and gleaned. I love her the best I could while fighting the world and satan for my marriage. My journey took a leap, one ring closer to the center, to God. But these were baby steps. God's timing was perfect, to him years are like days and days are like years. He does not move in time as we know it. But he moves in his time because he knows it!
As our daughter grew and as we grew as parents and spouses, my journey to Christ became more focused. And by the time our son was on the way, I was many more rings closer to the center, closer to God, through the experiences he had given us, the seeking steps I had been taking and the choices to believe, even though I had not seen. And He blessed, as he promises, because he does not break a promise.
I very vividly remember when our son was very young and we were in an apartment we considered very temporary. My husband and I and our son slept in the basement - much against my wishes, but this is how the Lord wanted to lay out the house (you see, I love light, windows, sunshine waking me up; not darkness, paneled walls, spiders ~ you know, basement feel! yuck!!). But there we were, and he was sleeping in a pack n' play in our basement 'space'. It was one night before putting him to bed that I intentionally made a choice to give our son back to God. I prayed to the Father and handed back the control of Gabriel's life to him and vowed I would do my best to guide him but that He belonged to the Father and I was only a steward of his life.
When he woke up with night terrors, I would sing Jesus Loves You to him, nothing else was said, over and over quietly in his ear, hugging him close and rocking him, even though he screamed so loud. I was lead to teach him to keep scripture in his heart at a very young age. And to date - one of the most noteable times I was made aware that he was God's child and God was and could guide his life - IF I gave over the control - was the potty training (see my blog post on that here).
As I watch our son grow up and grow in the Lord, I see God's fingerprints all over his life. He has a very very soft, genuine, caring heart. He has pure joy and innocence. He loves Jesus and sees him throughout his day. And he hears the Father telling him over and over, 'Never will I leave you. I will always be with you.'
Deut 31:6 "Be strong and brave. Don't be afraid of them. Don't be terrified because of them. The Lord your God will go with you. He will never leave you. He'll never desert you."
He sees Jesus in his days and does not question it (like we would if an adult told us they saw Jesus) because he is pure, undefiled, a child. I can just picture him saying: 'And why wouldn't you see Jesus like I do? After all, mommy, we talk about him every day, we pray to him, he is our friend like everyone else is. Why is it so special or different that I see Jesus - Don't you see him?!?'
But I truly believe, our son is so pure and undefiled and unattached to this world, because I made the choice to give him back to the Father and every choice I have made since then, I test with this mission statement to make sure the decision I am making leaves God in control of him and not me. And if you know our son, you will know, he is a very BRIGHT LIGHT for the Lord! It is not of me, but of God.
I had a choice to make last week. Our son came to me with the desire to take the training wheels off his bike. He asked and so I figured he was ready, as per God's timing. Again, children speak truth from the heart, as they are still pure at certain stages in their young lives. And truth comes from God. So this was God telling me he was ready. So we took the training wheels off. And I was quickly reminded about the potty training process. We immediately held hands and prayed before he even got on the bike. I asked God to give me patience and to give him the wisdom and knowledge he needed for the mechanics of riding a two-wheeler. And this is how we proceeded, each time he attempted to ride, each day. Though I did wise up and had him pray for me and I prayed for him! that seemed much more helpful!!sometimes it's hard to pray for yourself. :) After three separate instances of him trying to ride (these being like 15-20 minute attempts), God heard and answered our prayers. Our joy was made complete, and boy what a joy it is to watch our, just turned 4-year old, ride, like a pro, on his two-wheeled bike! The joy comes from the overflowing joy on his face at his accomplishment, and also from knowing that we both trusted completely in the Father and he kept his promises to us.
I would not say, at ALL, that I messed up our daughter by not turning her over to God early on. Though I know there are struggles she may not have had to encounter in her life if I would have, I also know that God can turn anything around, at any time, as soon as we hand over the wheel. And when I did that, he began working in her. It is just clear to me the difference in having done that earlier with our son than with our daughter.
So if you have children, leave them at the temple as soon as they are born!! God knows what he is doing - no baby is too young or too helpless. God takes care of them all and he can do it better if he's not fighting you for the steering wheel!
He sees Jesus in his days and does not question it (like we would if an adult told us they saw Jesus) because he is pure, undefiled, a child. I can just picture him saying: 'And why wouldn't you see Jesus like I do? After all, mommy, we talk about him every day, we pray to him, he is our friend like everyone else is. Why is it so special or different that I see Jesus - Don't you see him?!?'
But I truly believe, our son is so pure and undefiled and unattached to this world, because I made the choice to give him back to the Father and every choice I have made since then, I test with this mission statement to make sure the decision I am making leaves God in control of him and not me. And if you know our son, you will know, he is a very BRIGHT LIGHT for the Lord! It is not of me, but of God.
I had a choice to make last week. Our son came to me with the desire to take the training wheels off his bike. He asked and so I figured he was ready, as per God's timing. Again, children speak truth from the heart, as they are still pure at certain stages in their young lives. And truth comes from God. So this was God telling me he was ready. So we took the training wheels off. And I was quickly reminded about the potty training process. We immediately held hands and prayed before he even got on the bike. I asked God to give me patience and to give him the wisdom and knowledge he needed for the mechanics of riding a two-wheeler. And this is how we proceeded, each time he attempted to ride, each day. Though I did wise up and had him pray for me and I prayed for him! that seemed much more helpful!!sometimes it's hard to pray for yourself. :) After three separate instances of him trying to ride (these being like 15-20 minute attempts), God heard and answered our prayers. Our joy was made complete, and boy what a joy it is to watch our, just turned 4-year old, ride, like a pro, on his two-wheeled bike! The joy comes from the overflowing joy on his face at his accomplishment, and also from knowing that we both trusted completely in the Father and he kept his promises to us.
I would not say, at ALL, that I messed up our daughter by not turning her over to God early on. Though I know there are struggles she may not have had to encounter in her life if I would have, I also know that God can turn anything around, at any time, as soon as we hand over the wheel. And when I did that, he began working in her. It is just clear to me the difference in having done that earlier with our son than with our daughter.
So if you have children, leave them at the temple as soon as they are born!! God knows what he is doing - no baby is too young or too helpless. God takes care of them all and he can do it better if he's not fighting you for the steering wheel!
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