What I know about hearing the Holy Spirit

^{Slowly, but all the same, my ability to hear that 'still small voice' is growing. It hasn't been until recent that I understood what that still small voice is and how I recognize it, as of right now.  Before going into the examples of times I've heard the Holy Spirit's guiding loud and clear, I love this verse and the uniqueness and intimacy it displays about our relationship with Jesus.} 

^{John 10}

² The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. ³ The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

Today I loved 'hearing' the Holy Spirit because as soon as I 'heard' the guidance, I smiled, knew what it was and was easily able to hear and obey. So here it is. :]  It was dinner time and it was just the kids and I. DH was away for a meeting and had to miss dinner. But he was going to call when he was on his way home. Although he didn't expect us to wait for him to eat, I wanted to be sure to leave him some dinner since it was once of his more well-liked meals that I make. So the kids and I finished and I was cleaning up the kitchen, putting away dishes and on to putting away the food portion. I was debating whether I should put his portion on a plate or in containers to store...I got out a plate - that's what I had decided I would do. However, as I was grabbing the plate, I had a thought shoot through the stillness of my mind - 'he's been there a while and I'm sure he's pretty hungry and not able to wait all the way until he gets home to eat; it should go in containers'. As I mentioned, this has been a few months in training so when I heard this guidance, I immediately knew it was the Holy Spirit's leading and I put the plate away and grabbed some containers. Just as I was finishing putting the last of it away, DH calls me and he's on his way home. He proceeds to tell me he's starving and there was a Subway where he was so he was going to stop there and eat and I should put the food in containers as he'd like to have it tomorrow. 

Can you say 'Happy Dance!' I've finally figured out to listen to that 'thought', that is not my own but a gift, my Counselor.  

My training has been in what I would call 'simple' stuff, small little things I need to do, nothing earth-shattering or hugely impacting, but I believe it's the start - once I can continuously recognize the Holy Spirit in these (what I call) simple tasks, maybe our relationship will deepen. But even if it's always just 'simple' stuff, I'll smile at it every time, that's for sure!

Before that, it was an evening.  DH was at the gym and I was putting the kids to bed, one upstairs and one downstairs. DH was being dropped off at the house by a friend since I had needed the one car we have that evening (I'm guessing Girl Scouts) so that meant he had no way in and I would have to be around to open the garage door when he got home. So, after putting the one upstairs to bed I briskly walked through the kitchen to head downstairs. I took two steps on my way down and in the stillness I 'heard' - 'should probably open the garage door for Jason before I go downstairs'. That time, I continued in my hurried manner down the stairs and got to the bedroom, sat on the bed to pray with my DD and heard a faint 'knock, knock, knock' on the front door. Should have known that was going to happen, why - not because of Murphy's Law, not coincidence - but because the Holy Spirit was attempting to guide me but I chose not to listen. I chose to think it wasn't important enough to heed. 

And before that, I was anxiously awaiting a 'refueling' night at my church, a night for the 'core' of the church, the volunteers; a time for us to come together as a known, proclaimed body of believers for a 'locker room half-time pep talk'.  I made dinner for my family, got ready and stepped out the door to the garage and again, in the stillness of my fleeing (yes, it is possible to have a still mind while you are flying from here to there!) into my mind it said 'what about a bible'. I hadn't thought about it, but I did run back into the house to grab it quickly.  I went into my evening looking forward to the anticipation of being ignited.  I was brave and found some people I didn't know to sit by and they made me feel welcomed. At one point, pastor asked us to pull out bibles to look at Isaiah 58 so I grabbed mine, thanking the Holy Spirit again for the leading; it's always great to highlight in your own bible while going through scripture. The woman next to me saw mine and said to me, 'I thought about grabbing mine but I didn't feel like carrying it around with me. I'm always carrying something when I am with my kids. I just didn't feel like bringing my bible along." I told her how I had the same thought, I called it the Holy Spirit out loud to her so that she might see the connection, but she was already on to the next sentence and done listening - to either of us. 

These are just a few examples that I can remember enough about to share with you. But tonight, for me was the last confirmation I needed to know that I am definitely being guided by my Counselor and I am looking forward, no, I'm waiting expectantly for our next meeting. 

The link I've included (click on the post title) is a book I hope to read sometime soon, as the few pages I got a sneak peak of on Amazon seemed like a great start. 

Freed from my own version of Hell here on earth

It's always good to reflect, remember, to learn and grow.

My husband has had diabetes for almost 39 years now. Type 1. Not because he's not fit but because it was his lot. One of our first times meeting, before we were officially dating and before I knew he was diabetic we were out with a group of friends. I didn't particularly take interest in my husband yet and quite honestly was not very social with him. At some point during the evening, the group of friends I knew moved on and I with them; and my husband, well I don't really know where he went or what he did.

Well, I know now, but at that time I didn't. Come to find out, he ended up in the ER because he had a diabetic low in his car in the parking structure and a parking attendant found him at some point and call 911. For him, he was too humble to want to burden anyone else with his problem so he just went to his car (well I'm sure, it wasn't that simple as nothing when a diabetic has low blood sugar is simple). For me, I was the worst of all friends because I didn't care anything about him even as a person to notice he was no longer 'in the group' of us.

As we began to date, I went through more than enough of these times to make up for that one I missed. A car accident with broken ribs due to a tree pounding in the driver's side door and me coming to claim him at the ER; praying over him so many times I can't even count, praying for God to use the one drop of juice I could manage into his mouth amidst the foam and half swallowed tongue and the choking on spit to multiply into enough sugar to bring his body back into normal functioning, the muscle spasms that had him flailing limbs and body on our bed, relentless, without ceasing, the whales, the yells, the endless choking; waking up to the snore I came to know as the warning sign that it was happening and was usually to late, rolling over to feel him in a pool of cold sweat - yep it was too late. And the solution to these almost daily overnight occurrences,  well the quick solution was a Glucagon shot, which cost $20 a pop, of which we'd get one once in a while because they were too expensive and never failed, if I used it, I'd just need it again in a night or two anyway and we wouldn't have had the money to refill the Rx. So the cheaper solution, Capri Sun. The only juice that I could tilt at most any angle to feed to him while he was incoherent.

Opening the cabinet where the shot would be if we did have one and it not being there and then opening the cabinet where the juice was kept to find out he'd finished the box and we hadn't gotten more yet - my worst nightmare. Do I pray and then call 911? Do I wait it out and pray for a miracle and not call 911? If I call 911 that's $75 dollars for the ER visit and we don't even have the $20 for the shot, so that's not a good plan...If I don't call 911 will this time be the time that I pray and he doesn't make it out of it? And those last EMS people (Fitch-Rona just to clarify; we love the Mazo crew!) were incredibly rude, disrespectful of him and me, thought they knew exactly how to handle a diabetic and why does he have this much trouble all the time. Though his yearly A1C test (standard for diabetics) always came back in great standing, he took good care of his body, despite these daily lows. Sometimes I just prayed, feverishly, crying, pleading with God, methodically. Sometimes, I called 911 and bit the bullet. And here we go loading up the kids at 2,3,4am down the 25-30 minute drive to the ER; call them into school because they missed half a night of rest. Then deal with the condescending doctors.  then there were the lows where I was able to get juice into him (he was good at sucking while incoherent but it all depended on the conditions he was in) and warm him up with layers of blankets since his clothes were sweat-soaked, but once he came-to, he couldn't speak - he literally could not form words with his mouth, and his legs would not work; he would have to crawl on the floor very unsteadily like a newborn learning to walk. It would take a good five to ten minutes before his mouth and limbs were functioning normally again. That was a strange season of his lows, for sure. He often bit his tongue also during these ceisures. Once though, he bit it sooooo hard, he couldn't talk and had a very difficult time eating for just shy of two weeks.

The most notable, and only because it was the most recent and the closest to my memory I still have left, was the coma he was in for two and a half days after a low. I handled it as I always do, try the juice  but he was choking on his spit. Okay, pray over him. Did that and then all of a sudden he sat up in bed and choked and started turning blue....ummm, that's never happened before. Yep, calling 911 this time. So they come, he's doing better but not responsive so they strap him in and I plead, can't you wait just a bit longer to see if he comes around? I really hated hauling the kids down the to ER to do the whole pick-up thing. But nope, he just wasn't responding and they needed to take him in. But the nice EMS man offered to bring him home for me at the end of his shift in a short while if he was doing alright. Wow, so nice. But then I got the call, he's not responding yet, you should go down there. So once again, there we were, pack the juice and the goldfish and drive down to the ER. And there was daddy, in a coma. A very unrestful coma at that. There was a security guard outside his ER room standing watch as he had been combative when they brought him in, typical of some diabetics in a low state. Funny thing was she was an older woman that could have done nothing to prevent danger, had he gotten combative again. But he was strapped down like a mental patient to the bed, so the danger was not really an issue anyway.

For two days he was in a coma, I was questioned about how he cared for his diabetes, he was mocked for not taking care of himself, we were treated like this was all new and we needed to know more. My ninth year of dealing with it, his 38th....don't think we needed more information.  Really, it's out of our control to a certain degree. If it were controllable, it wouldn't be a DISEASE, need I remind them??!

But he came out, with no memory of the event. And, more beautiful than that, for two weeks, he slept the most peaceful as I had ever, ever seen him sleep, ever. Wow, those were some good nights. However, the episodes did resume.  I had started thinking, this is what I imagine hell to be like, having to try to aide my husband in a low constantly but he never coming out of it. The continuous anxiety, the sounds I had to listen to, seeing him clenching on his tongue and knowing the pain of that would last far longer than the time it took to create the marks, the limb thrashing, choking, loss of breath, etc. over and over and over. This was my personal hell; what happened in the dark while the rest of the world was sleeping, I was crying my eyes out praying for my husband's life.

God promises, ask for what you need in my name and you will receive. Can we ask for a miracle, to take this cup away from my husband? You bet ya!  Today, I am ashamed to say, I lost count of how many months it's been that I have NOT had a night like this. I am ashamed because it is a MIRACLE I longed for our entire married lives. It has been about four months, as a rough estimate. Not only has God taken away this night-time lows, but he's also been healing my husband's body so that he is taking in less and less man-made insulin as the months go by. More often, instead of going low, he's just really really hungry. He used to have to use insulin to 'trick' his body into feeling hungry; he had no idea what he was feeling the first few times his body said to him without a shot of insulin, 'I'm hungry!'

What a glorious miracle. I can rest and he can rest at night too. Something neither of us experienced to any degree until God's grace in delivering this miracle to both of us.

I reflected on these events this morning, and although there were several miracles to speak of today, for me it was important to share this one - so that I can reclaim the miracle and so that you can see that God can do the impossible; Type 1 diabetes is not reversible like Type 2, not by human hands without a pancreas transplant.  Thank you Abba.

God's Grace brings Joy

Sunday is our day to go to a 'building' intently for the purpose of worshiping our Father for all the grace he pours out and the mercy he so willingly gives.  As parents, we do not feel in the slightest that it is routine, boring, out of obligation, or anything else of the like. We look forward to the time to worship with great music, hands held high among other believers, giving the praise our God so aptly deserves.

And on most Sundays our kids have the same attitude. Not this Sunday though... ALL THREE were complaining about 'having to go to church'. Wha, wha, what?? This is an attitude I personally will not let hang around for any too long.

As a child, I grew up Lutheran, had the church service memorized and fell asleep at the sermons; we went to church because we had to, it's what we did on Saturday nights. I don't remember Sunday school, though I know I went when I was younger. But going through 13 years of 'going to church' left me nowhere but LOST.

When starting our family, it was a fear of mine that I wouldn't know how to LIVE with God and live by faith because it did not see that in the family I grew up in. To date, God has blessed us with his grace and guidance and I feel that our story is different than the one I would write about my childhood, and the proof is in the kids.... or so I thought.

So back to the attitude adjustment - right after one of my children complained about having to go to church, I adjusted. No, we don't go to church because we have to. We go to church to thank God for all the graces he's given us, even just today (a free pancake breakfast (thank you friend!), a firetruck ride, playing outside for two hours, lunch on the table, toys to play with, a cool camo tent for a fort, shall I go on...?!). And we are giving God an hour of our day, of our week, I went on to say. Imagine if God gave us only an hour of his time during an entire week. How would that be? I don't even dare to have you really think about that for any too long. No we go to church to praise God all he does and for Jesus because we are thankful and we want to.

We got ready and left. All three walked into their respective rooms with frowns on their faces. Actually one we left outside the door to the room, told him to have fun and left his pout-y-ness stand there. They all knew the choice they had made to grumpily enter into God's grace.

(side note: reminds me of a few verses in Colossians 1: We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,^{[e] 10} so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹ being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ¹² and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you^[f] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. ¹³ For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. 

Joyful thanks - joy is not an emotion that can be pushed out of the way by other emotions; no, joy is everlasting, deep seeded happiness/contentment/thankfulness/humility all rolled up in one created by reverent fear of our Father and, IMHO, it can only be truly embraced when you truly understand God's grace. 

We proceed to our room and have an awesome time, as usual, with great worship and lots of cheering for those souls who proclaimed their faith in Jesus by being baptized among their friends and loved ones. And then we picked up our kids, one by one. And each one had a huge smile on their faces... hmmmm, looks like God's grace filled their classrooms with some fun among the truth taught, even though they were reluctantly at first to receive it -that in itself is amazing grace, that he would bless knowing beforehand that we are reluctant to receive his gift.

And as we were saying prayers, one of my children said 'a lesson was learned' and it was: 'I shouldn't be grumpy about having to go somewhere because I'm not there yet and I don't know what it's going to be like.'  I didn't ask, I didn't coax it out and I didn't aid in tailoring the lesson's wordage to make it complete - it was spoken true right out of the mouth of my babe. 

So many miracles of God's grace in this one story, just one of many stories written in our family on Sunday. 

How can we be anything less than joyfully thankful for all God does for us, not the least of which was giving up the physical bond with his son, Jesus, so that we could join in relationship with the Trinity? Anything that strips that joy create the strings that keep us tied to this earth making us that much less attached to God.

Crazy Faith - If God doesn't come through, would you look crazy?

In September of 2010, my husband became vulnerable, stepping out in faith to take hold and grow his dream, opening a gym. In a retail location, it now exists to serve God by loving you...in a fitness environment. That will have to be another post, if it fits, some other day. 

Shortly after this, he was led to the decision to resign from his FT position and rely on my PT income, the unstable income of the gym contracts and the seasonal income from our landscaping business. We own one home and one car, carry a student loan and have three kids, aside from the usual utility and grocery bills. Doable, for me my faith in areas as these is not shakeable (maybe because I am no longer responsible for making all the bill payments). I trust our Father leads and we follow and he is faithful.

Two weeks ago, we were led to the decision that my work-from-home part time position was not necessary. Hallelujah! It was definitely more stress than it seemed worth, though I was completely willing to work it and endure on earth, knowing my time in heaven would more than make up for the drag of what that job was here on earth. But God says no longer, I'm not going to argue that. He leads, we follow.

Today I am paying our $330 car payment. No questions asked. We have been able to grocery shop, pay all bills, donate from our budget to support local charities and national ones, and even enjoying a few dine-out trips (which if you know us, you know we do not EVER eat out - or did not ever). Still very conscious of where we spend, but letting God lead us in where he wants the money to go.

We're in our sixth month of living on income provided by extreme faith.  If God doesn't come through, we will look crazy. And that's the way we like it. We don't think we're crazy, just other people do.  Quitting jobs in an economy where jobs are wanted desperately, starting a small business in this same economy and expecting to support a five-person family - get this - ON FAITH.

But what's a life LIVED BY FAITH if you don't need God to come through in a big way to live it?

God does have someone in mind for your things, the abundance of which He asks you to share.

We're in the process of slimming down, simplifying - though quite honestly I wouldn't say most things we have are 'in abundance', but God thinks otherwise and in all humility, of course he's right.

Several weeks ago, the night before going to help at a Habitat for Humanity build, my husband was going through his side of the closet and taking clothes of the hangers, praying on each one, even his favorites. He got done on his side and asked me if I wanted him to go through my side. Mind you, we have a closet that has two bifold doors and our 'sides' respectively are not jam packed by any means. So I say sure, slightly reluctant, fearful of losing my favorites as I saw his favorites go into the bag. But really, if God wants my clothes, he has every right to have them.

Now, also, I had been slowly restoring my wardrobe, updating through a few purchases here and there at Plato's closet over the last year or so.  So I had my favorites, pretty much my handful of purchases from Plato's; my favorite jammies, my workout clothing, etc. And I'm thinking, sure God you can have my clothes, you know my favorites and you won't make me give those up right? ....will you? I mean I really don't have a lot, two pairs of jeans - one that is wearable, the other with holes in unsightly spots! I can have one pair of jeans can't I?

So my husband starts praying over my clothes and handing them to me if they are to be given away.  And there they go, one by one, most of my favorites, not all, but most of my recent Plato's additions, my jeans - holes and good pair, my workout clothes (I had my favorite top/shorts and a backup top/leggings) I was left with my second choice for working out in, and my favorite jeans, did I mention those yet?! I admit I was a bit, well grudgingly, joyful at giving them away. But then we went to bed and woke up, clothes in trunk and went to the Habitat build. Oh yeh, and I had to give up my long johns and the build was just after a fresh snow and I was hoping to wear my long johns under jeans instead of wearing snowpants - less bulk for building.

I got dressed in my snowpants for the build and off we go. Time has gone by, I was blessed with the ability to purchase one new pair of pants and two new shirts and I haven't wanted for more. I am thankful for my one workout outfit and I wear the same pants almost every day! good thing I don't leave the house every day, but really, God knows that too.

And I have lost my obsession with being trendy, as much trendiness as our budget would allow. I have always made due with what I had, but always needed to 'feel' on trend. Now, I am just thankful to have what I do have and I can think about all the people we blessed with the five bags of clothes we gave out of our closet we thought was already slimmed down pretty well to begin with.

So it was our closets, it has also been exercise gear, a grill, a pool, a sandbox - all in working order; really why give out of the brokeness? God from the beginning has always asked for our best which is simply His best He has given us to begin with. So we give of our best, for free - and those nameless, faceless brothers and sisters who receive, they're not just 'lucky' for coming across our things that 'just happen to be out' at the same time they drive by.

No - God had them in mind all along.

So let go of your best and be a blessing, you don't need to know who it goes to and why they need it and you don't need to have your things go to whom you would choose for them. God has a better idea and has someone waiting for your things right now.

80 degrees in early April

Need I say more?!

I don't think so. Enjoy this beautiful gift from our Father and love your family with all the love this day holds for you.

Philippians 2:3 for a 2 yr old?

^{Philippians 2:3} Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

I've felt convicted early on that my youngest was truly in-dwelt by God at a very young age.  I can't say it was anything more than a deep heart conviction that I just knew, much like how I know that his potty training was a miracle, the specific work of God's hands.  At a very early age, he's been able to speak in complete sentences and even redirect a question if I was having a hard time understanding what he was trying to lead me to the first time. Even now, he can express his feelings in ways I'd never have imagined a 2yr old doing.

When he's crabby, not wanting to do what he knows he needs to in order to go to bed (brush teeth, go potty, etc.) he get's upset and says to me, 'I'm having a hard time.' How in the world? I don't say that, that is not a usual phrase around our house, but it's true and it makes sense. He can tell me when he's telling stories and when he's telling me the truth (those are his terms also). He can dress himself, shirts and all, tell me our house is a beautiful, big house - I mean his insight into things seemingly meant for those older in years is simply unfathomable.

So as I've mentioned, we've been living out the above verse. It started out with all of us memorizing the verse  after dinner on Monday night. I would say a small part and then two of our kids and my husband would repeat until everyone had memorized it; everyone 6 and older!

So I had thought. However, today, my youngest, just a month shy of 3 years old, was taking a bath. Just for the sake of being curious, I asked, "So do you remember our verse?" That's all I said. And he stared with 'selfish ambition', so I began with the 'do nothing' part and has said the rest, all by himself, with help on 'consider' and that's it! WHAT?!?!?!

It is possible, God is possible, age is not a restriction when it comes to what God can do; and why should it be?

God lives outside of time and age - why can't we?

Why I began this blog in January and why I'm now just posting...

In January of this year I experienced my first real life miracle. My son Gabriel went from diapers to completely, and I mean completely potty trained in 3 days. Day 1 I tried the usual, get the awesome big boy unders on thinking the wowness of those would instantly instill the knowledge of what to do and when to do it, and not just that but that it would done absolutely perfectly right out of the gate, or shortly there after. Wrong, three pairs of unders in an hour and I was done. The usual, 'well I guess he's just not ready' though he was exhibiting all the signs - knowing when he was going pooh, telling me he was going to go pooh and even going pooh on the potty just the week before with no hang-ups AT ALL. But I still gave up. However, deep down I knew he was ready and this was the time. So after a momentary lapse, my next effort was to pray about it (yep, I'm learning each day that this should be my first effort). I asked God to give him the knowledge and wisdom to know what his body was telling him, to know how to aim that little thing in the right spot and to have fun doing it - so it wasn't a battle. I left it all up to God. And he faithfully answered my prayers that very next day. But I was not 100% sure in my faith, so I put a diaper on him for overnight. I really hate waking up at night, so I thought I'd try the diaper and see how wet it was in the morning. And it was completely dry. But one more night of diapering just to be sure, after a full day of no accidents (yep, still doubting just a bit). After the second night of dry diaper I allowed myself to rejoice in the miracle I just witnessed. I praised God and I continue to pray at least once a day for God to continue to give him the wisdom he needs with his bodily functions. And I credit his 'potty training' completely to God. I just know, in my heart, this was not about anything I did (except giving it to God in prayer).

So this is why I started this blog about every day miracles.


And this is why I didn't post anything until now...

I want people to know what it feels like to follow God unabashedly, completely surrendering to him, not having any doubt in what he can accomplish, yes! But I feared it being perceived by others as putting me up on a pedestal, or boasting (you know the parable of the Pharisee and the everyday man in the church praying) and at the other end of the spectrum - does anyone really care to read such things?!

As my months have gone on, I've come to realize that's satan's game. That's satan's method to get me to keep my mouth shut so that I don't affect the Kingdom of God and so that I don't get people thinking about letting go of more and letting God have the control, all of it. But a bold-faith moment yesterday allowed me to realize, I'm not playing satan's game willingly and I'm not going to play it subconsciously any longer either.

I will begin posting. I'm not a fancy blogger, like the one I follow - A Holy Experience by Ann Voskamp - but it's me, in the raw, living my faith out LOUD and talking about it because it's for God and not keeping it hidden because that's for the enemy. No one lights a candle and then hides it for no one to see.

Considering others better than yourselves...

Last weekend at church we came home with our Refrigerator Door sheet - the word for the month: Humility, the verse: Philipians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." This was what our kids are going through this month. The sheet called for the children to pray about finding ways to live this out, so I asked them to pick three kids in their class, with at least one being someone they would find hard to love, that they could target this week and find  a way to 'consider them better' than themselves. And as parents we went jumped right in and picked three of our own, all being those not easy to love.
The miracle of it all, today my heart has love for two of the three whom I was literally finding ways to avoid and make known my dislike for just as of last week. How freeing it can be to fill those spots with God's love rather than satan's bitterness. And whether they understand it or question my motives, that's between them and God. For me, I know my motives are pure and based on this truth in Ph 2:3. And I carry around less baggage than I did last week. I'm looking forward to jumping to this method rather than jumping to satan's tactics the next time someone wrongs me or my family members and I begin to determine how I'm going to handle it.
It's not parting the Red Sea or making water flow out of a rock, but it's turning bitterness into love and pushing satan back down versus lifting him up - and that's enough of a miracle today for me!