Temporary Spiritual Famine

Let's face it, some days are just better than others. I haven't met anyone yet that can keep a perfect, even temperament consistently, day in and day out. (There is a very pleasant gentleman at the DMV who takes pictures, but since I've only had my picture taken once, I can't say that even he's insanely jovial every day - but his pleasantness was infectious the 15 minutes I was waiting there!)

There are seasons to life, some days, some months, but regardless of the time period, there are ups and downs. Sometimes these seasons can make us feel trapped, trapped in our life, in our mind, in our body.  A place we've gone, on a slow fade, unaware of where we're headed but sure when you get there that it's not where you wanted to be after all.  And then we're left wondering, didn't I have the tools in place to keep myself from ending up here? What happened?

Evil happens; satan prowls looking for that perfect crack to jump into and bust the seam wide open.

I usually have some sort of scriptural 'piece' coming in my inbox daily, whether it's a devotional or a blog I'm following or maybe it's what I'm reading myself in the bible and I'm always blown away at the miracle of how God speaks to me, just what I need to hear for the circumstance, through whatever media brings me his truth.

This time it was a double AHA moment.

Seems like satan likes to make sure I have just one snare tripping me up at a time. I can always count on it; if I've resolved one thorn, he's always got the next one ready to go. And when I'm back on my heels, rolling along in goodness, you'd think I'd already be prepared with flaming arrows to defeat the next attack. Well, not this time, but you bet'cha I've got my tools now!

I had been having a hard time being happy. My smile had left me. I'd been stuck inside my mind and didn't know how to get out. So many conversations were going on inside my head, but outside, I had become very silent. And in my case, inner dialogue without outer dialogue leads to bitterness, anger, disdain, and general unhappiness and it all builds up into a perceived reality - which is really just satan's attempt at poisoning my soul. 

So my battle plan:
Cry - it must be done, it's a good release; let it all out until there isn't anymore cryin' left to be had
Scripture - I dug in. I had bookmarked Psalm 34 many many years ago during a rough spell in the marriage: 

¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 ¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
   but the LORD delivers him from them all;

So I began there. It's so comforting just to know this. And I continued, backwards, through Psalm 34 and quickly came to this, AHA moment numero uno:

¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
   I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
¹² Whoever of you loves life
   and desires to see many good days,
¹³ keep your tongue from evil
   and your lips from telling lies.
¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
   seek peace and pursue it.

God was gracious enough to want to rescue  my soul, once again. The Holy Spirit convicted me.  And I was lead to the fear of the Lord.  According to verse 11, the fear of the Lord is/can be learned. And from Psalm 110:11 - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And in the above piece of scripture, the fear of the Lord revolves around the functions of the head. Keep the tongue from evil, the lips from speaking lies, turn from evil, do good, seek peace and pursue it.

Mental Fortitude 

That's two words. Simple. Powerful words. Even more powerful when achieved.

Seek peace and pursue it. Since the epicenter of our thoughts, spoken word and actions is the brain, seems pertinent this is where the self-control must begin and be maintained to learn the fear of the Lord and to see many good days.  The inner dialogue, which turns into a pity party and justification station, is nothing but evil. Only truths from scripture, that are thought on over and over, prayers for God to take captive the thoughts of my mind for his will, for his purpose and the constant, continuous pondering on doing good, being peace, on Jesus and his gift, on God and his majesty, grace and compassion can combat the foe.

And here's the even bigger part, when I'm not focused on/reminding myself of/reciting scripture/reading scripture/seeking peace and pursuing (pursue:  to find or employ measures to obtain or accomplish) it then that leaves space in my mind for satan to take captive and fill in instead of God, leaves room for evil instead of good. 


So I put to memory (I like to say, hid in my heart) Ps. 34:11-14 as seen above, and I run to it the moment I'm backhanded with evil trying to burst open my seams. 


And later on that same day, I was blessed with AHA moment numero dos.  Just in case I wanted to hold onto a tiny bit of satan telling me I had the right to think what I was thinking - Holy Spirit burst in to say, I'm not going to let you do that!


My favorite blogger as of late (God has done so much through her hands for many I'm sure), Ann Voskamp, came into my inbox with her daily post: 'when you feel like you just keep blowing it'. Wow. Did this go to everyone or did it just come to me?! Because that's exactly where I was at.  Blowing it - because really my pity party was about me, calling on my justification station to make poor old me feel like I had good reason to find fault and feel the way I was feeling. But my spirit (the guilt I was feeling) was trying to say to me, this is not about you. And now, not only have I wasted time being lost, unhappy and talking to myself, but now I was going to have to suck up my pride and let it go, give it to God, say sorry and move on in a different manner. And no one could do that for me but me. And God was so good to me, 
Psalm 32:
⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
   I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
⁹ Do not be like the horse or the mule,
   which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
   or they will not come to you. 

Psalm 33:
¹⁷ A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
   despite all its great strength it cannot save.
¹⁸ But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
   on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
¹⁹ to deliver them from death
   and keep them alive in famine.

This Temporary Spiritual Famine

As Ann reminded me (really, this blog post from her is a must-read!) with Acts 7:51

“You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit! 

 I'm done with this famine. I chose not to resist the message and the conviction of the Holy Spirit because I have been circumcised by Christ, through baptism... and I have that choice, the choice to be made with wisdom, which begins with the fear of the Lord by taming the tongue and the mind, by seeking peace.   

Mental Fortitude.