Temporary Spiritual Famine

Let's face it, some days are just better than others. I haven't met anyone yet that can keep a perfect, even temperament consistently, day in and day out. (There is a very pleasant gentleman at the DMV who takes pictures, but since I've only had my picture taken once, I can't say that even he's insanely jovial every day - but his pleasantness was infectious the 15 minutes I was waiting there!)

There are seasons to life, some days, some months, but regardless of the time period, there are ups and downs. Sometimes these seasons can make us feel trapped, trapped in our life, in our mind, in our body.  A place we've gone, on a slow fade, unaware of where we're headed but sure when you get there that it's not where you wanted to be after all.  And then we're left wondering, didn't I have the tools in place to keep myself from ending up here? What happened?

Evil happens; satan prowls looking for that perfect crack to jump into and bust the seam wide open.

I usually have some sort of scriptural 'piece' coming in my inbox daily, whether it's a devotional or a blog I'm following or maybe it's what I'm reading myself in the bible and I'm always blown away at the miracle of how God speaks to me, just what I need to hear for the circumstance, through whatever media brings me his truth.

This time it was a double AHA moment.

Seems like satan likes to make sure I have just one snare tripping me up at a time. I can always count on it; if I've resolved one thorn, he's always got the next one ready to go. And when I'm back on my heels, rolling along in goodness, you'd think I'd already be prepared with flaming arrows to defeat the next attack. Well, not this time, but you bet'cha I've got my tools now!

I had been having a hard time being happy. My smile had left me. I'd been stuck inside my mind and didn't know how to get out. So many conversations were going on inside my head, but outside, I had become very silent. And in my case, inner dialogue without outer dialogue leads to bitterness, anger, disdain, and general unhappiness and it all builds up into a perceived reality - which is really just satan's attempt at poisoning my soul. 

So my battle plan:
Cry - it must be done, it's a good release; let it all out until there isn't anymore cryin' left to be had
Scripture - I dug in. I had bookmarked Psalm 34 many many years ago during a rough spell in the marriage: 

¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 ¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
   but the LORD delivers him from them all;

So I began there. It's so comforting just to know this. And I continued, backwards, through Psalm 34 and quickly came to this, AHA moment numero uno:

¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
   I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
¹² Whoever of you loves life
   and desires to see many good days,
¹³ keep your tongue from evil
   and your lips from telling lies.
¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
   seek peace and pursue it.

God was gracious enough to want to rescue  my soul, once again. The Holy Spirit convicted me.  And I was lead to the fear of the Lord.  According to verse 11, the fear of the Lord is/can be learned. And from Psalm 110:11 - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And in the above piece of scripture, the fear of the Lord revolves around the functions of the head. Keep the tongue from evil, the lips from speaking lies, turn from evil, do good, seek peace and pursue it.

Mental Fortitude 

That's two words. Simple. Powerful words. Even more powerful when achieved.

Seek peace and pursue it. Since the epicenter of our thoughts, spoken word and actions is the brain, seems pertinent this is where the self-control must begin and be maintained to learn the fear of the Lord and to see many good days.  The inner dialogue, which turns into a pity party and justification station, is nothing but evil. Only truths from scripture, that are thought on over and over, prayers for God to take captive the thoughts of my mind for his will, for his purpose and the constant, continuous pondering on doing good, being peace, on Jesus and his gift, on God and his majesty, grace and compassion can combat the foe.

And here's the even bigger part, when I'm not focused on/reminding myself of/reciting scripture/reading scripture/seeking peace and pursuing (pursue:  to find or employ measures to obtain or accomplish) it then that leaves space in my mind for satan to take captive and fill in instead of God, leaves room for evil instead of good. 


So I put to memory (I like to say, hid in my heart) Ps. 34:11-14 as seen above, and I run to it the moment I'm backhanded with evil trying to burst open my seams. 


And later on that same day, I was blessed with AHA moment numero dos.  Just in case I wanted to hold onto a tiny bit of satan telling me I had the right to think what I was thinking - Holy Spirit burst in to say, I'm not going to let you do that!


My favorite blogger as of late (God has done so much through her hands for many I'm sure), Ann Voskamp, came into my inbox with her daily post: 'when you feel like you just keep blowing it'. Wow. Did this go to everyone or did it just come to me?! Because that's exactly where I was at.  Blowing it - because really my pity party was about me, calling on my justification station to make poor old me feel like I had good reason to find fault and feel the way I was feeling. But my spirit (the guilt I was feeling) was trying to say to me, this is not about you. And now, not only have I wasted time being lost, unhappy and talking to myself, but now I was going to have to suck up my pride and let it go, give it to God, say sorry and move on in a different manner. And no one could do that for me but me. And God was so good to me, 
Psalm 32:
⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
   I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
⁹ Do not be like the horse or the mule,
   which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
   or they will not come to you. 

Psalm 33:
¹⁷ A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
   despite all its great strength it cannot save.
¹⁸ But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
   on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
¹⁹ to deliver them from death
   and keep them alive in famine.

This Temporary Spiritual Famine

As Ann reminded me (really, this blog post from her is a must-read!) with Acts 7:51

“You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit! 

 I'm done with this famine. I chose not to resist the message and the conviction of the Holy Spirit because I have been circumcised by Christ, through baptism... and I have that choice, the choice to be made with wisdom, which begins with the fear of the Lord by taming the tongue and the mind, by seeking peace.   

Mental Fortitude.

It's little but it's so big at the same time.

The 'truck' as it has been coined by all of us, has been a rather fun addition to the family! Fun is a subjective term, however.

I think this is the first day that DS hasn't cried when the truck leaves the garage for fear that it will not come back home! After seeing our Hyundai for so long, and then seeing a blue car (Taurus loaner from the body shop), the lunchbox (the red Aveo rental), Ashlie's car (borrowed it for a day to use for some bigger stuff), and then the lunchbox and the truck at the same time and then the lunchbox gone and just the truck - it's pretty easy to see why he'd think the truck would leave and not come back. But seriously, a crying tizzy? Uber obsess much?!  But ah, today, he didn't. Oh, but that's not the little miracle I was thinking of for this post.

So the truck and I have a love/hate thing going on. Let's see, the first time I took it on my own, with the kids, we went to a local joint to get some slushees. We enjoyed our time and hopped back in the truck to find it wouldn't start. After trying a few times, waiting for the gas lines to 'unflood' to no avail, we got out and walked home.  Not without forgetting the garage door opener, our only way into our home, ever (that deserves it's own explanation, not for this post!). So we walk a block back to get that, and discover my keyless entry remote actually doesn't work.  The small miracle here, was that a few days earlier, when we picked up the truck from it's owner, he wasn't going to be around so he left the keypad code with us so we could grab it whenever. And he made the code a zip-code with two numbers flipped around - thank you God!! I could remember that in the panic of realizing I shut the doors and locked them and left the garage door opener inside. We'd have been stuck outside for a long time, had I not been privy to that code a few days earlier. But still not the little miracle I meant to share.

Yesterday after church we ran to Woodman's to get a few things while DH was at a meeting at church. Used the life-saver keypad to get back in the truck only to find, now the driver's side auto-unlock does not work and I can only pull up one other lock by hand. :) Okay, truck, what do you have against me?!

So today, DH, DS and I are in the truck running some errands in Cross Plains and our last stop before heading home was True Value. DH ran in and we hung back in the truck, giggling over a doggie hanging out the van next to us.  DS wanted some music on, so I reach over to turn the key in the ignition to the great invention of accessory mode! It didn't seem to do the trick so as I was turning it back to off, I noticed the key was a bit out of wack, so I went to 'straighten it', not question how a key would manage to not be inline with the ignition slot to begin with (sometimes I'm not that observant right away) and next thing I know, the key head is falling on the seat and yep, the rest of it is still in the ignition!! oh, my word.


Okay, good thing we're at the hardware store, they've got to have something for these types of situations. Can they tape a key together and get a good copy made? Do they even copy car keys? Oh man, DH is really gonna think I'm completely incapable of handling a large vehicle and I'm gonna be cut off from driving it!

  So, he gets back in the car and I hold up the head of the key and the rest of his keychain.  'Does the hardware store have something to help us?' I plead. 'Do you have your set of keys?' he pulls at straws. 'Nope.' I laughed.  So, we turn the ignition to see if the lodged piece is enough to start the truck. Nope. Okay, well, stick the top back in and try that, and if it starts, don't stop until we get home!! And this, folks, is the little miracle, of the day that I wanted to share. We made it home. And I laugh every time I think about our truck and sticking the top half of the key into it to start it and where day by day, it shows it's age, and day by day, we have a choice to make - get mad because we have an old vehicle and who knows what will go wrong next, where we'll be stuck, what electrical failure will happen next...
OR thank God we have a vehicle that fits us all, lifts us two more feet off the ground than any of us have ever been before in a vehicle we've owned, loses ground but still gets us from A to B and at this point, still gets us there safely and fits the landscaping tools we need for the landscaping job that's keeping us fed this month.
It's a little miracle maybe to some that a broken key in an ignition sidetracked our day for less than three minutes, but it's so big all the same. It's big because of the choices we made surrounding that miracle.  We didn't argue. We didn't play the blame game. We didn't get angry.  We turned to God to follow his lead and he led us home again. And our day continued on with lunch, [attempted] nap-time, DD coming off the school bus as usual, a walk to the library, dinner on the table, family time after dinner and bedtime routines as usual.

 And it was all about a split second choice about which attitude to adopt - half empty or half full? grumpy or cheerful? God's punishing us or God's will? Contempt or Faith? Alive or dead?

In the words of a great author (thank you friend who shared him) Andy Andrews who wrote among others 'The Noticer': "If you are breathing, you are still alive. If you are alive, then you are still here, physically, on this planet. If you are still here, then you have not completed what you were put on earth to do...that means your very purpose has not yet been fulfilled. If your purpose has not yet been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life has not yet been lived..." "If the most important part of your life is ahead of you, then, even during the worst times, one can be assured that there is more laughter ahead, more success to look forward to, more children to teach and help, more friends to touch and influence. There is proof of HOPE...for more."

The only true hope we have is in the message of the gospel, that we have eternal life in Christ so that we can live eternally with Jesus and the glory of God in heaven. This hope, when believed on WITHOUT doubt, frees us to live in Christ daily, to go deeper in our faith, to not be rocked by human tradition and the happenings of the world, but to remain solid on our Rock, the Cornerstone of our foundation.  And when we have this Faith and Love built on the hope of the gospel, we can live lives worthy of the Lord, pleasing him in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to God's glorious might so that we can have great endurance and patience (paraphrased from Colossians chapter 1).  Our endurance and patience is uber-growing now but has been a work in significant progress for the last few years; when we decided and then acted on the decision to live head on in that hope.

The faith that springs from this hope brings love, peace, strength, wisdom and pure joy. And these squeeze out most of the room for fear, failure, contempt, discontent, anger, pride, frustration. It's not a perfect fix - you won't get it right 100% of the time (we sure don't), but every time you choose God's glory over your own your path becomes straighter.

All the little choices lead to the big picture. 

A Fatal Mistake

Deuteronomy 8

Do Not Forget the LORD

 ¹ Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the LORD promised on oath to your ancestors. ² Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ...

¹⁰ When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. ¹¹ Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. ¹² Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, ¹⁴ then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery....

¹⁷ You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” ¹⁸ But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. 

This piece of scripture is vital, VITAL, to living by FAITH. There are so many valuable points here. 
1) God leads you into trials, to test you, humble you and see where your heart is -
And what's the big deal about your heart? He tells you exactly, to see whether or not you will keep his   commands.
2) He shows in verse 3, these trials humble you and can have a solution that quite possibly, most likely, is unknown to you.
3) For what purpose, to teach you (because we all need to learn continuously) that we do not live on material things but on Scripture (the very word of God - verse 3). 
4) God already knows our failures, the path humanity is headed down (vs 10-14) which is to forget his GRACE altogether and 
5) verse 17, credit ourselves with all the abundance we think we have due to our hard work and to FORGET the GOD who created us and gave us EVERYTHING, forever and always.


This scripture came to mind during this last week for me. As my last post mentioned, we were in need of a car; but we were not frantically searching, exhausting our options, making ourselves stressed with worry - in fact, as has been said of both of us at different times in our lives, you'd be surprised how calm we've been about the situation. And that is a peace that comes from knowing that God has this plan in his hands and he unfolds it as he sees fit. What I first recalled, from storing scripture in my heart, was verse 17 - ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” 

I was thinking, when I talk about the new car we've been blessed with, I want to make sure I speak of it in a manner that does nothing but direct those listening to God - it was his work through the co-worker of a client at the gym, it was his work through the owner of the vehicle to prepare him for his encounter with us, it is his work to work out the monetary aspects to fit our needs - those we have now and those we don't know about in the upcoming future. Not by our power or strength (AKA stress-fully searching to the ends of the earth, frantically grasping at all options, freaking out, running ragged all over town) but by his GRACE, for his plan, for his glory - and as a result, we truthfully have had a very peaceful last two weeks since our car got totaled!


And I love the reminders in all of Deuteronomy 8, that he does intentionally put us through trials (yes, everything does happen for God's reason), why the trials matter to him (he loves our hearts), how to overcome the trials in his glory by his hand (by praising him for EVERYTHING, because it all comes from him) and choosing, in those trials most importantly, to remain in him and follow his commands and allow him to have the control, ALL THE CONTROL. 

He is gracious enough to already know we're going to be wretched and forget him.  ^{2 Tim 3:1} But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. ² People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³ without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, ⁴ treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—

He is loving enough NOT to hold it against us or give up on us (as humans do with other humans). He is patient enough to try us over and over until we learn - the patient teacher he is. 


And he knew before creating us, that nothing would sustain us in this life better than the gift of his Word, the bible, the very word of God, which only serves to connect us to him since he is invisible.  As Timothy says in 2 Timothy: All Scripture is God-breathed [inspired by God himself] and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the man of God^[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. This is how we move through these trials and grow closer to him and walk more deeply by FAITH, by living on/in the Word (the bible). And when we choose to live (read it, store it in our hearts, recall it by the power of his Holy Spirit, trust it without doubt, yearn for it) by His Word alone, he uses us for good works, to shine his light for his glory.

Like when your car gets totaled by a deer at a time when you only have one car, unreliable income, no 'emergency fund' to draw from and not a lot of 'known' options....

Welcome the trials, find God in his Word, purify your heart with Jesus and let his light Shine!

Our Perspective will never be God's; he's the author of this story

It was a few months ago, in February, that God's will for us, pertaining to our cars at that time, was to shine his light on an 18 year old by giving him one of our cars.  Back track a few years, it was a cold month back in 2008, maybe the beginning of 2009, that I was at the ReStore volunteering my time at the start of us partnering with Habitat for Humanity. I was in the break room when I received a call from close friends of ours with some news. We had been a one car family for a little over a year, and she was calling to tell me they were going to shine God's light on us and give us their car. They were ready to accept the burden of a car payment just so that we could have this car.  Wow, who am I, God? What a gift that was to our family, without a shadow of a doubt. We have never been a family to have extra money even an extra $50 to deal with any unexpected events or to be able to add a few-hundred dollar payment a month for another vehicle. We drove that car and praised God daily for what a gift it was. And when we had the opportunity given to us, to do the exact same thing for another of God's children, that was an even better feeling than receiving the car into our family.  We were free to make that choice and wanted to give that car away for no other reason than to show that young man God's love for him, no one made us do it.

Today, we find ourselves in a funny situation with a rental car (thanks to a deer mugging which totaled the one car we did have) and a countdown of six days before we give that rental back - which means either no car or find a car fast.  And this is where the title of this post comes from.

We are not writing the story of our family; God is writing it. This was reconfirmed for us in the message given at church this last weekend (click here to view the message). God is sovereign and no matter how much we think that we have 'freedom' to make choices and we make those choices, whether in-line with God's will or not, in the end, God's sovereignty WILL reign supreme.  Our freedom and God's sovereignty work together at the same time - and do not try to figure out how this works as Pastor Dolson so wisely explained, this is riddle.  It is not meant for us to figure out because we are not meant to write the story, only God is.  This mysterious relationship will FOREVER be just that--a mystery.

So while many onlookers could look at our decision to give away a car we weren't paying for that ran (even though it needed some work done which we could not pay for) and say, 'Why would anyone give away a running car, that didn't have payments on it, instead of keeping it for a safety if something were to happen to the good car?' They may even say, 'Why should we help them now? They're the misguided ones who gave away a perfectly fine car; if they hadn't, they wouldn't be in this situation right now.' But that perspective has 'I' and 'My story' and 'Control' written all over it.  Fleshing out that option:  it doesn't showcase God's glory, it's selfish, it strives to maintain control of our lives, it allows the thought that we know better than God what is best or right for our family and, in all reality, it leaves no promise that something wouldn't happen to both cars and the finality is that God is still in control. The option we chose - to give the car away - let's flesh that out: this young man got to see tangible evidence that God loves him through this gift (priceless), we are giving up control and saying to God, 'Absolutely, we trust you and we will live to give you glory, always, not just when it's convenient for us,' and it submits our will to God's. And so here we are...

We are not frantic. We put out the feelers for friends and family to keep an eye out for a car that might fit the budget that remains after all the insurance work is done and we are praying for God's will. We have no idea what that will be, we are not scrambling to come up with the money to purchase a new car, we do not know if he'll provide a used car in that budget, but we are letting God know we still, always, trust in his ways and his will and we know he will provide what we need, when we need it in whatever form it might be.  We know God is in COMPLETE control.  Which reminds me of a song I love to sing to when I am in the car by myself, the lyrics: God is control. We believe that his children will not be forsaken. God is in control. We will chose to remember and never be shaken. There is no power above or beside him. We know, oh, oh, oh, God is in control. 

And so we wait in great anticipation to watch God's sovereignty unfold this next chapter of his story.
And to us, this is what it means to live by Faith. 

Once in a lifetime, some of us get to assist God in a miracle

For nine months give or take a few (or several weeks!), if all goes well, a mom gets the privilege of assisting God in a miracle. As my blog title proclaims, God performs miracles every day, but the miracle of being the womb for a baby to grow and develop in such unfathomable detail, in an ongoing process, is one miracle beyond compare.

The miracle of my life began some 31 years ago. To think about God weaving the paths of my mother and father so that they would meet and bring my sisters and me into the world, well, that in itself is unfathomable. But then to think, those who are reading this now are part of the next generation - you know me and my family and kids because God brought my parents together to give me life!

I was so humbled to receive a wonderful compliment today - "You are one of the most grounded women I know and I am thankful to have you as a friend. May you be surrounded by those smiling little faces that bring you tremendous joy!" - Those smiling little faces are miracles themselves, and not just their births but what they bring to our lives each day. It is easy to teach a heart that is teachable - God shines through our children in so many ways. This is just one of the many God-inspired writings by my DD:

And I can only attribute my 'grounding' to my Father who feeds me his love and strength and wisdom each day so that I can pour that into my children. I fail, don't fool yourselves by thinking I don't; but when I fail, I admit it flat out to them and we talk about it and we all learn from it.  This is God's grace.  God's grace is enough.

My Mother's Day today was not 'glorified' in the eyes of the world, but to me it was the best day ever. God shone down sunshine all day long. I took the kids to a greenhouse at the high school and got to pick out fabulous plants for my planter at a ridiculously low price, and I got to watch my DD go crazy happy over picking out some flowers for herself. We got to oogle over God's beautiful flowers as we made our choices, while DS carried around his piggy bank with three pennies so gingerly the entire trip. We played with bubbles, drew with chalk, talked and played with neighbors and had an awesome time worshiping our God at church. We had a fun blast to the past eating dinner at Taco Bell and a meander through Menards with DD again super excited about getting trays for under her potted flowers for her room.  And the best ending,  a drive home, listening to music from the past and watching DS rocking out in his car seat; he just loves music. And who wouldn't have fun in a car with all the people in it raising the roof to the song 'Put your hands up in the air'...(probably NOT the title but it's about all it says!).  And at the end, DS said, "That was fun!"

No Mother's Day brunch, no big party, no big deal; and still it was filled with the best of the best because God designed it. 

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.  Philippians 1:21

Today I proclaim, the mother I am is not because of what I do but because of what He has done for us, and in doing so Jesus gives us life in him. I am letting go of my will, my control and my desires so that I can be more complete in him and our family can become what he intended from my beginning, 31 years ago.

And only by God's abundant grace do we get to have moments and days like today, to sing his praise and shine his light. For his glory, whether you acknowledge it or not, it's still for his glory.

Happy Mother's Day, mommies. And thank you Mom for bringing me into this world so I could have the opportunity to know my Father in such miraculous ways.

Looking back will never allow you to move forward

Luke 9

The Cost of Following Jesus

 ⁵⁷ As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”

 ⁵⁸ Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

 ⁵⁹ He said to another man, “Follow me.”

   But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”

 ⁶⁰ Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”

 ⁶¹ Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”

 ⁶² Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

I was reading a devotion with DD today. We often have great discussions after devotions; she has the mind of an adult when it comes to many spiritual aspects. God has blessed her with mature wisdom and in many cases I learn from her just as much as I would learn when talking with an adult friend about a topic of God. 

The above was our scripture today. I've heard this many times, though I don't clearly remember it making sense to me like it did tonight. No doubt the devotion story attached to the verses clarified it like only devotion stories can; another reason why I love reading them with her. Quite honestly, I wasn't too sure how to explain it before reading the devotion; but after, it made perfect sense to both of us. And now, mulling it over in my head, it explains one very significant phenomenon of a believer's walk. One I'm sure ALL believers (maybe all born-agains) can attest to and those non-believers can admit to being a part of as well. 

That is the phenomenon of - 'the cult'.  It came up again this weekend with some fellow churchgoers as we were discussing the time of leaving behind the old and heading into the new life with Jesus. Haven't you ever been accused of being part of a cult, as a new believer?! I can still clearly remember that conversation with my family. A friend of ours had the same conversation with hers and a couple we were with from church this weekend had, wouldn't you know it, the same exact story. And this section of scripture for me put so many things together; it was the last piece of the puzzle.

I have often felt, though I dearly love each one of my family members, my faith has taken me on a journey where distance is better for my faith walk, because Jesus is what matters most. This is the cost of pursuing a life with Jesus.  And really, to me it's not a cost; God's mercy in choosing me to follow Jesus is nothing but a grace gift of which I am honored to be given the privilege. 

What happens when you go to a conference, it could be for any topic, but usually when you go to a conference it's because it's about something you're passionate about. You're there for an entire day, sometimes a weekend, and you are on a high the whole time you're there.  Over your head in the topic you LOVE with a bunch of crazies who love it as much if not more than you. Wow! It's likened to being in a cult (Mary Kay, Stampin' up, Creative Memories, etc), not bad things; it's just the excitement you get when you share such a strong common bond with hundreds or thousands of people. And then you go home. All jazzed up, talking a mile a minute to your spouse or family because you have all this new-found knowledge, great ideas, new business ideas, etc - like you're plugged into Turbo Charge. And then those stinkin' people back home bring you back down to reality (their reality), which is to say, they suck the hyper juice right out of you! And faster than you were charged up, the excitement goes right out the proverbial window.  

Now, think about choosing to follow Jesus.  In Jesus' day, you are with him, walking and talking with him - that's infinitely times better than any conference we could ever attend today and you're like, 'Absolutely, Jesus. You're awesome, you make me feel good when I'm around you, you're doing all these awesome things, you bet I want to stick with you. I just gotta say goodbye to my family first, get that closure to those relationships.' So you go back and tell them and they're voicing all their concerns - 'Jesus who? that guy that's working for satan, casting out demons, by what power? making the blind see, he's gotta have some weird magic or something. You're gonna drop us, your own flesh and blood, who raised you, fed you, gave you a home for 18 years, just to follow this Jesus character.'  And you begin BACK down the trail of doubt, confusion, wondering who he really is, should you really 'throw it all away' for him?....hmmm, not such a good idea to get the last goodbye, huh?

And now, today, how does this fit. Well, people haven't changed much really. Many tend to value their relationships with friends and family more than their relationship (if any) with Jesus. And here's how this plays out - 'Mom, I've decided to pursue a relationship with Jesus. I've found a church I feel really good about, friends that are supporting me and I just feel in my heart this is what I should be doing.' So you begin your walk, and family/old friends are quiet at first, as you immerse yourself in the activities of the new friends and the church you've found. Family/old friends become a little lower priority as you find yourself and what a 'relationship with Jesus' really means to you. And then it comes out - you must be in a cult; it's taking all your time and attention, what else could it be, how can this be good for you? - all the accusatory comments from those BACK there in your past (remember, anything that is not NOW is the past). And so you have to choose - 1) continue on, forward, pursuing Jesus as you know how or 2) return, go BACK, to those family/old friends. And why do you turn back? to plead your case, prove to them you are not crazy, prove to them that Jesus is good, try to make them see the changes in you are for the better, seek their approval - and what has happened? Your focus is not on Jesus anymore but on you PROVING your choices to the PAST. When you decide to look BACK, turn around, return with the intent of consoling the PAST, you've lost your focus on Jesus. No one can serve two gods. You cannot serve God and love Jesus, when you've got a dual mission to console the PAST and prove yourself to what's behind you at the same time. 

All those who believe in Jesus go through this. For new believers, it's usually at the beginning of their journey. For 'seasoned' believers, this is what I feel keeps them from truly living by FAITH. (Hebrews 11:1 ¹ Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.) To live IN FAITH means we are confident (do not doubt) what we hope for (heaven will reign on earth for eternity)  and assurance (being certain in the mind) of what we do not see. This confidence and assurance is what should allow us to be bold, fearless about ANY circumstance, to have a conversation about Jesus with anyone without fear of the outcome, to not fear death because we know our eternity lies with Jesus in heaven, to not back away from what we believe when we are asked for fear of sounding stupid, crazy, humiliated, and whatever else we might be labeled. 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 

That constant attachment to the PAST (allowing fear to hold the reigns) - the need to return to the old and keep everything PC while attempting to move forward in our new skin - well in reality, doing both at the same time is impossible.  And I don't usually use the word impossible, because I do believe in the word, Mark 10:27 “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” However, a caution to reading this verse and not taking in the verses just before it. Jesus is posing a question, how hard is it for a rich man to enter heaven?  And then he says for man it is impossible, but all things are possible with God. The rich man in the story is saddened to be told he must return, go BACK, and sell all his wealth, basically erasing his past, cutting all ties to his past, BEFORE he can move forward with Jesus. A recurring theme. There cannot be any strings/ties to the past.  To me, what this means is, anything your PAST (family/old friends) might say to you, cannot mean more to you than what the Word says to you and what you are being guided to do by the Counselor (Holy Spirit). The trinity must always be what you attempt to abide by first and foremost. 

As a disclaimer, of course I know none of us will achieve this perfection, but it can be a daily goal to live life for Jesus, in Jesus and with Jesus, letting the naysayers be a thing of the past. 

Jesus did not have a home to return to each night, a plan B, a place to fall back on when he was being mocked, beaten, mistreated, laughed at; he had no back door. If we want to sincerely, truly follow him, we can't have a back door either. 

What a miraculous revelation - 
And to see that the world's relationships, 2000 years ago, are just the same as they are today. 

Saul, a king, hand chosen and annointed by God, fell into the trap of listening to the old instead of keeping his focus on God alone and he ended up losing his crown and his relationship with God was broken because of it.  

1 Samuel 16:¹⁰ Then the word of the LORD came to Samuel: ¹¹ “I regret that I have made Saul king, because he has turned away from me and has not carried out my instructions.” Samuel was angry, and he cried out to the LORD all that night.  ...¹⁷ Samuel said, “Although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The LORD anointed you king over Israel. ¹⁸ And he sent you on a mission, saying, ‘Go and completely destroy those wicked people, the Amalekites; wage war against them until you have wiped them out.’ ¹⁹ Why did you not obey the LORD? Why did you pounce on the plunder and do evil in the eyes of the LORD?”... ²⁴ Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned. I violated the LORD’s command and your instructions. I was afraid of the men and so I gave in to them. 

 Looking back while plowing, Saul was. Looking for that approval from those below him, behind him, instead of keeping his focus forward on God. We look back to 'check our work', seek the approval, to make sure we are doing it correctly. How about being CONFIDENT with no need to look back. If we are following Jesus by our own choice, we better believe Jesus' plan is higher than any other and if we're following the best of the best, what's behind us might as well be a fart in the wind and why would you want to revel in that?! ;)